A Call for Self-Compassion and Community
By the time most women reach perimenopause, we're likely depleted and exhausted. We've spent years—sometimes decades—putting everyone else first: our children, our careers, our partners, our communities. We neglect ourselves because of life's demands, and for a while, this works. But hormone changes decrease our resilience, and we can no longer cope with chronic stressors the way we used to. Our current world feels overwhelming, and those of us going through perimenopause or menopause may feel very alone with the responsibilities of work, children, households, and the uncertainty of the future.
American culture, and many other cultures, intensify these expectations. Growing up in a culture where the solution to any challenge was to serve more, we're essentially told that when you're at your lowest point and what you really need is rest, you should just keep working harder. This only works for so long, and the consequences are real.
The difficulty of navigating perimenopause and menopause can be enough to destabilize a woman who hasn't taken care of herself in earlier years. It can lead to actual crisis—anxiety attacks, depression, and other issues that wreak havoc on your well-being. If you haven't put in the effort to care for yourself, you may find yourself floundering and lost.
We've all heard the analogy of putting on your own oxygen mask first so that you can help others. While that's true and necessary, I think it's a little unfair. We should be able to put on our oxygen mask occasionally just for ourselves. It doesn't always have to be so we can better serve someone else. You do not have to be a self-sacrificing martyr for those around you in order to be important and valued. Take time for yourself. Build up your resilience, mental health, and well-being. That's okay—it's not selfish.
I know taking time for yourself is easier said than done. Not everyone has a support network that allows them to take a break. This is why I believe we need more community for women. We need to take care of one another and give each other a chance to take a breath. I remember growing up without many close female friends because there was so much pettiness, distrust, and competition. I'm advocating for women to stop competing against each other and start supporting each other. Let's show up for each other, show grace to each other, and advocate for each other.
When one woman succeeds, it opens doors for the women around her. We can better fight injustice and help those who have been left behind when we ourselves feel appreciated and cared for. We can't fill someone's cup from an empty vessel.
The path of life is rarely smooth, and we're each doing our best to move forward. No matter how you arrived where you are—by choice or circumstance—you deserve grace and rest. Let's hold space for each other when the journey feels too heavy to bear alone.
If you're someone who feels lost and needs community, please reach out. I'm seeking to create a community where women can find genuine connection, mutual understanding, and real support. Let's be that for each other.
Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash
